The No Toast Zone

Not as bland as toast, but just as spicy

You Need Our Dark

My “assholeness”, you may have figured out by now, concerned reader, comes from a darker place. But that's just me. Not everyone's outlooks are made up of cherries and groovy disco, you know.


Born Without Fucks to Give

My hero: Calamity Jane

And Throw In Something Witchy

One of my favorite quotes of all time is one by Charles Manson. "Do what you do, do it well…and throw in something witchy." Now, before you get outraged, surprised reader, there's a reason it's my favorite and not what... Continue Reading →

The New Road

I pray my new road to success is a bullet train powered by thinly-veiled resentment and mocking sarcasm because, so far, paying tolls with subservience and break-room-birthday-party-small-talk has gotten me nowhere.

If You Think the Posted Speed Limit Is Something to Strive for…

put down the car keys and apologize for ever being. The only reason I knew how slow this ‘thing’ was driving was because I could count it on the watch of the seeping-wound-of-a-man on a cane passing him on the... Continue Reading →

I’m a planner so just chill

Courtesy of Buzzfeed I'm not saying it will happen. Not at all. Or at least not any time soon. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be around to annoy everyone for way, way, WAY too long. Too long for you,... Continue Reading →

The Methodology Behind the Bookshelf

The next door neighbor was putting this cheap-o shelf outside for anyone pick up so I grabbed it. It was all white laminate and kind of ugly but I needed a bookshelf. Since the neighbors were outside, I actually asked... Continue Reading →

Basement Scrote

Did you know that it was actually possible to take the high road in social media? It’s true. It happens all the time. As the trolls are out trolling, being assholes, banking those negative karma points, it is possible to... Continue Reading →

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